Funeral Etiquette: The Do's and Don'ts

Funerals can be emotional and challenging times for everyone involved. Attending a funeral is a way to show respect, offer support to the grieving family, and honour the life of the deceased. However, it can be sometimes difficult to know what is appropriate and what is not. There are some things that are simply inappropriate--no matter how well-intentioned. Below are a few tips on funeral etiquette to ensure that you display the utmost respect to both the deceased and family.

-Do Dress Appropriately

When attending a funeral, it is important to dress respectfully. While traditional black attire is often preferred, dark and muted colours are generally considered appropriate. Ensure your clothing is modest and not too flashy, as the focus should be on the remembrance of the deceased. If there is a request by the family to wear a specific colour, try to incorporate that colour into your outfit to show that you care about what the family want. Some funerals, it may be stated in the obituary that suit and tie is not required, however, this does not mean that you dress like you are going to the club.

-Arrive on Time

Punctuality is a sign of respect at a funeral. Aim to arrive at least 10-15 minutes early. This allows you to settle in before the service begins and avoids disrupting the ceremony. If you do happen to arrive late, enter quietly and take a seat in the back.

Do Offer Condolences

Expressing your sympathy to the family is an essential part of attending a funeral. A simple "I'm sorry for your loss" or "You have my deepest sympathies" can be comforting. If you knew the deceased well, sharing a personal memory can also be a heartfelt gesture.

-Follow the Family's Lead

Respect the family's wishes regarding the service, whether it is open to the public or a private event. Pay attention to their cues during the ceremony and follow their lead when it comes to participation, such as standing, sitting or any other rituals.

-Sign the Guest Book

Signing the guest book is a way to show your support and provide a record for the family. It can be comforting for the family to see how many people cared for their loved one and that you were one of them.

What NOT to Do at Funerals

-Using Your Phone

Keep your phone silenced and put away during the service. This is not the time for texting, taking photos, or browsing social media. Your full attention should be on the ceremony and supporting the grieving family. There is nothing more embarrassing than having your phone ring during the service, especially when the pastor is preaching or a relative is sharing a memory. If you must use your phone, it is respectful to step outside and do so.

-Don't Overstay Your Welcome

While it's important to offer your support, be mindful of the family's need for privacy and space. If there's a reception or gathering, stay briefly unless you've been invited to stay longer.

-Don't Be Inappropriate

Avoid making jokes (unless sharing a light moment with the family) or talking loudly during the service. Remember, a funeral is a time for mourning and reflection. Language, both verbal and non-verbal, should be respectful and considerate of the family's emotions.

-Don't Criticise

Refrain from making negative comments about the service or the arrangements. Everyone mourns differently and it's crucial to be supportive not judgmental.

Attending a funeral is about showing respect and support to the family, and honouring the memory of the deceased. By following these guidelines, you can ensure your presence is comforting and respectful during this time of bereavement.